Life is Messy
My thoughts on the early stages of parenting
For the past three months, I have been learning to be a mother. I am learning to breastfeed, sing nursery rhymes, read children’s books, and even change diapers. Parenting is everything, and it is also very far from what I expected, especially when it comes to sleepless nights, long stretches of boredom, or witnessing my son intentionally smile. Amid the hours that feel like days or the routines that seem to wither upon my first attempt, I have lowered my expectations of what I can do or how much I can carry.
Slowing down or shifting my tasks while I develop a new sense of time and space has been humbling. I feel that my body and mind are no longer my own daily. Yet, the most profound and sometimes disturbing thing is knowing that I am responsible for ensuring that someone else can survive. Somehow, that person—three months and counting—knows my responsibility to him. He is grasping onto the seeds of communication and promptly advocating for himself. To my surprise, there is something exhilarating about watching someone transform, heighten their awareness, and develop a personality by defying parental authority. There are times when we are both imperfect, which often indicates our crankiness. Through trial and error, we are leaning into family life, mostly from our rituals of nothingness and patterns of mess-making. Becoming a mother has also taught me the value of patience and refusal, especially in light of the intensity of cleaning, feeding, and cleaning.
As cliché as it is, he is teaching me to have an adequate moral response and accept the string of editorial rejections. Beyond that, he has inspired me to think beyond the limits of electoral politics and to reflect on the promise of solidarity for all children. Beyond the ballot, beyond the nuclear family, and certainly beyond the false promise of Western democracies, parenting is showing me to strive for the collective rather than secure wealth or material resources for the family. (Parenting comes with little accolades, but at least it pushes me to move beyond society's limitations. For his sake and mine, I am slowly discovering what it takes to improve.
What I’ve Been Up To
Over the past two months, several of my book reviews, exhibition reviews, and opinion essays have been published. (Several others have been put on hold/hostage by some editors, so I’m not sure they see the light of day.) Of the articles that have materialized since giving birth, I responded to JD Vance’s racist and false claim about Haitians eating pets, I discussed the social implications of abortion bans in the American South, and I reflected on the transformation in the art scene in Miami. Here’s a list of items I published since August 2024:
Frieze Magazine | Memories of Miami
Artforum | Enzo Camacho and Ami Lien
London Review of Books | Florida After Dobbs
Slate | Haitian Migrant Kids Have Seen This Before
The Nation | The Twists and Turns of Language
Frieze Magazine | Ndayé Kouagou Makes the Case for Influencer Wisdoms
What I’ve Been Reading
Over the past month, I have been reading novels. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that I read Salley Rooney for the first time. However, I started with one of her least popular works and avoided the craze for her latest novel, Intermezzo. Of the books I read this month, the funniest was Colored Television by Danzy Senna. If you haven’t done so already, read Julian Lucas’ profile of Senna in the New Yorker. The texts teach me the beauty of the writing craft and the importance of incorporating humor in literature. I would love to hear your thoughts if you read one or several books.
Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri
August Blue by Deborah Levy
It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis
A Day in the Life of Abed Salama by Nathan Thrall
Beautiful World, Where Are You by Salley Rooney
Colored Television by Danzy Senna
What I’m Listening To
These days, I’ve mostly been listening to Mozart for babies, experimental techno to drown out the rhythm of urban life, and podcasts that discuss political gloom. Over the past month, I enjoyed reading Rumaan Alam's discussion of his latest book, Entitlement, on the LARB Radio Hour. Check it out!
Closing Thoughts
Thank you all for reading and engaging with this newsletter. Some of my fellow US citizens are anxious about today’s elections. I don’t have much to offer with political insight right now, but all I can hope for us is a future where we are not forced to choose the “lesser of two evils” but a politics of hope and betterment for everyone. As my friend Disha and I discussed over the weekend, we need a social and political revolution by redistributing resources and land. More thoughts on that later. Until then, I will continue to slow down, bond with my child, and heal from childbirth. However, I love reading and reflecting on the wonders of the world. If you have any book recommendations, please send them along.
As always, thank you for reading,
Congratulations on the new arrival, Edna. A few books I've really enjoyed reading this year are: Everything/Nothing/Someone by Alice Carriere, Couplets by Maggie Millner and Rebecca Miller's Personal Velocity.
Loved reading this, Edna, sending all my love! Also check out Kevin Wilson for funny while also deep novels, he is my favorite. Start with Nothing to See Here!